Maybe I’ll Even Leave An Imprint

Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today
I want to be a part of it …

Maybe its a bit grandiose, but be it the Liza Minnelli or Frank Sinatra version, that’s the song that springs to mind, whilst contemplating the biggest step I’ll be taking this last 15 years of my life. After some 21 years in the Israeli public service, so called, I’ll be swapping sides and going into private practice.
I’d have to say that it’s the most unnerving decision I’ve made since packing a couple of suitcases 25 years ago and hopping back on to the Geruda return flight to London in order to catch a charter flight to Lod.

And if I can make it there, I’m gonna make it anywhere…

I was a 27-year-old adolescent, single and unemployed with vague dreams and sweet FA idea about how to implement them. I had some sort of vague delusion that here I would find or recreate myself, or both, and things would fall into place. It’s hardly the way your typical hardboiled Israeli would make a decision.
I recall that in London I stayed overnight at a friends place. There was no way on earth that I could put in words in that Camden Town squat what it was that I might be looking for in the provincial and parochial Levant. Bloody hell, a lot of water has flowed under the Yarkon Bridge since then.
As for some of those old dreams, lets say I jagged it. As for some of the others, they are still floating around somewhere out in the atmosphere waiting for the weatherman to locate them on the satellite map.
But now I’m at the crossroads again. This time too, I’ve made the decision to take the plunge. I know I’m not the only one. Not the first and not the last. But it’s still important to me.
At the end of this month I go on leave. Another few months and retirement actually kicks in. That’s as in early retirement. It’s a long way since that apprehensive night in Camden Town.
Most people congratulate me with a slap on the back as if I've already made it. The odd man out suggested that it’s unfair that the taxpayer should have to bankroll me for another 35 years.
“Why only 35?” I responded, “Why not til 120?”
What I didn’t say was, “Bugger you mate. I reckon I’ve paid my dues,” and that's only out of deference for his position.
From here on in I’ll be using the knowledge and experience I’ve accumulated in the last 20 years to help people, instead of screwing them (the usual Israeli idea of public service). I know I tend to underestimate the knowledge I’ve accrued. The last few years have taught me that.
I admit that in this twilight time between careers I have my fantasies where either I fall flat on my face or else I prove to the world that I haven’t forgotten what humble beginnings I came from. But I’m wizened enough not to take them too seriously. It’s been a short 25 years and it hasn’t been the easiest road that I’ve taken. I’m not quite that detached post adolescent kid I was 25 years ago. This dreamer has come up a few rungs in the last quarter of a century, though more in the sense of maturity and experience than in hierarchical advancement. And I’ve read Rich Dad Poor Dad too. The time has come to taste a little independence.
I have this sense of coming the full circle. I never accepted the attitude of those patronizing chauvinistic types who expect you to morph into clones of them, into little grey statistics for Zionism, like virtual canon fodder, as if you emigrated here to exist as mere extensions of their personalities for the benefit of their self-determination. I’ve survived in a sometimes harsh and unfeeling environment for more than 20 years, progressing from feigning apathy and indifference in order to camouflage cultural differences and the difficulty of competing against people with the home ground advantage (in more ways than one); growing in confidence and spirit and assertiveness, adapting and integrating, to the point where… now its time to part ways and try to do things my way. Now I want to do things as an expression of my personality, of my self-determination, in light of the education and values I integrated as a youngster.


This...little town.... blues
Are...melting away,
I gotta make a brand new start of it

… Maybe I’ll even leave an imprint